Becoming a Well-Developed Woman
Development is a Divine Process
“I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”-Phil 1:6 CSB
In a world that often pulls us in a hundred different directions, Christ-following women are called to walk a path of intentional growth—rooted in faith, guided by truth, and inspired by Christ. True self-development isn’t just about self-improvement; it’s about transformation—growing in every area of life so we can live fully in God’s purpose.
Let’s explore the journey of holistic development across six vital domains, how our inner world shapes our outer experience, what can hold us back from becoming who we are called to be and how we can take steps toward maturity.
We define self-development as the process of adapting new skills, abilities, and competencies that equip you to function well, thrive and overcome challenges at the next stage in your God-ordained journey. These new skills, competencies and abilities manifest across six domaines of our personhood.
The Six Domains of Holistic Development
1. Spiritual Development
Our spiritual life is the foundation of all other growth. It is the bedrock. We are to grow from spiritual babes in Christ, to mature believers who know how to abide in Christ, hear His voice, and surrender our will to His. Jesus instructs us in the gospel of John, to abide in Him so that we can bear fruit. It is in the abiding, that primes us for production in life. God’s word provides us with divine instructions for our growth and development. We must study and spend time in God’s word so that we aren’t just reading the scripture, but the scripture begins to “read” us and the Spirit can tell us where we need to grow. Practices such as prayer, meditation, worship and fasting can help us grow and mature.
2. Mental Development
You cannot be spiritually mature while your emotional health is neglected. The emotions of the little girl are not fitting for the responsibilities of a woman—so our emotional states must harmonize with the fruit of the Spirit as we seek to grow in other areas of our lives. Renewing the mind (Romans 12:2) is critical for our overall development and wellbeing. Emotional maturity involves uprooting toxic thought patterns, identifying and regulating emotions, processing life experiences from sound perspectives, and avoiding harmful patterns like suppression or outbursts. Counseling, journaling, and “thinking about your thinking” can foster this growth.
3. Physical Development
Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) and are essential for aiding us in fulfilling our God-given mission. Physical development entails establishing rituals and disciplines that make sure our bodies remain assets instead of becoming liabilities. This does not mean we won’t succumb to illness, disability, disease, and normal deterioration, it just means we avoid lifestyle choices that fast-track such deterioration. In our immature state, we power-through, refuse rest, have too little movement and have unhealthy relationships with food. In our mature state, we listen to our bodies and what they need, whether that be rest, movement, or a diet for our destiny. We are like the noble woman in Proverbs 31—equipping ourselves with strength and making our arms strong.
4. Social/Relational Development
God created us for relationship—with Him and others. The well-developed woman goes from messy and me-focused relationships to meaningful and mutually-focused relationships. She also grows in her ability to repair ruptures in relationships with others. She is aware of how she presents socially and works to change communication styles that keep cycles of conflicts in her relationships. Building Christ-like relationships requires vulnerability, boundaries, forgiveness, and accountability.
5. Intellectual Development
We were set here on this earth to have dominion, create, invent, and solve problems. We need healthy cognitive function to do this. This does not mean that we need to make an idol out of our intellect, it means we surrender our brains to God and avoid an idle mind (which we know, an idle mind is very attractive to the enemy). To grow in God, women work to expand their knowledge through reading, education, and thoughtful reflection. Grow your intellect so that you can engage the world wisely and serve more effectively.
Erik Erikson’s Stages of Development
In order to understand more about your personal development, it is helpful to have a framework. Erik Erikson is a psychoanalyst who studied psychosocial development and who believed that each stage of life came with specific struggles. He also believed that our environment and culture influence how we progress through these stages. In each of his stages below, there is a developmental task and a central conflict that must be resolved in order to successfully move on to the next stage. Read through them and see what resonates. We would argue that in our journey of sanctification, there are also various tasks and conflicts that we must resolve in order to properly mature.
Stage 1: Trust vs. Mistrust (birth-18 mos)
Stage 2: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (18 mos-3 yrs)
Stage 3: Initiatiave vs. Guilt (3-5 yrs)
Stage 4: Industry vs. Inferior (6-11 yrs)
Stage 5: Identity vs. Confusion (12-18 yrs)
Stage 6: Intimacy vs. Isolation (18-40 yrs)
Stage 7: Generativity vs. Stagnation (40-65 yrs)
Stage 8: Integrity vs. Despair (65-death)
Four Blocks to Healthy Development
As we grow, certain obstacles can hinder our progress. These aren’t just personal issues—they’re spiritual battles that require both grace and action. Here are four potential and unique blocks to the personal development you desire.
1. Unprocessed Trauma
Trauma is what happens to the soul, psyche, body, heart and spirit of a person as a result of an overwhelming event. Trauma is a fracturing in a place that was designed to be whole and a loss of Shalom within. Unprocessed simply means you have not fully digested and metabolized the experience in a way that bears good fruit and you are still suffering in some way. One way this shows up is in how you develop. Without processing these experiences with God and, when necessary, with a counselor, we remain stuck in cycles.
2. Unhealed Inner Child
Another way development becomes dysregulated is through failure of a younger part of us to receive proper healing. We all have inner child parts (see the below Nesting Dolls metaphor), and these inner child parts can become stuck within us, therefore wreaking havoc on how we show up as adults. We can’t assume because we wear grown-up clothes, drive grown-up cars and go to grown-up jobs that we are grown up. It is important to know when to be like children (Matthew 18:3), and when to put away childish things (1 Cor 13:11).
3. Unconfessed Sin
It is very difficult, if not impossible to grow with obvious sin in our lives. Sin is basically a growth-inhibiting force. Sin separates us from God and we know that a branch cannot produce fruit apart from the Vine, who is Jesus. Abiding, confession and repentance restore this connection and the natural result is growth.
4. Undisciplined Lifestyle
Growth requires structure, discipline, routines, and saying yes to the right things and saying no to the wrong things. An undisciplined life—marked by procrastination, disorganization, or indulgence—undermines even our best intentions. Discipline, however, brings freedom and momentum.
Warning Signals of Abnormal Development
Just like your car dashboard has a variety of indicator lights to alert you to issues that need resolved, so does your mind, body and spirit. How would you know that you were not growing properly? How would you know there was an issue with your development? There would be signals! Here is a list of some signals to look for to determine if there is a minor or major issue that requires attention and resolution.
Feeling stuck
Repeating patterns
No goals or difficulty reaching goals
In a comfort zone
Difficulty with change/avoidant of challenges
Lack of motivation
Low ambition
Emptiness
Idle/too much time on your hands
Strongholds/unchecked sin
Apathetic/pessimistic
Easily offended
Emotionally overreactive
Chronic fear, shame, depression
Excessive failures
Disconnected in relationships/high conflict in your relationships
Poor boundaries
Poor hygiene and self-care
Negative reviews on the job
Lifestyle-related health issues
Do you notice any signals that you want to explore more?
Exploring the Inner Child: The Nesting Doll Resource
Imagine your inner world as a set of 5 nesting dolls, ranging from small to larger in size. Each doll represents a different stage—baby, toddler, school-aged, adolescent and the largest doll represents your adult self. Each stage holds a particular story, unique wounds, burdens and joys. These layers don't disappear as we age; they live inside us, shaping how we react, relate, and live, just as the smallest doll nests inside of the next doll and that doll nests inside of the next doll. Although we may be dressed up in adult clothes, driving adult cars and going to our adult jobs, we are not always emotionally in our adult self. Sometimes our inner child takes over, which gets in the way of development.
For example:
The wounded child may withdraw from relationships or fear rejection
The angry child might lash out when boundaries are tested
The joyful child seeks wonder and connection, often suppressed by fear or shame
Maturity isn’t about silencing these inner voices but integrating and nurturing them. We ask, “Which part of me is responding right now?” and invite God to bring healing and unity within.
Mindful Steps to Maturation
Name your warning signals: Go through the list of warning signals and try to identify which ones you resonate with or notice in your life. Don’t overthink it. See how many you notice. See if there is a way they all connect. Rule out any other explanation for why you are having those signals show up. For instance, are you feeling sad because you just suffered a loss or are you sad because you keep betraying your values? Next, determine what domains of development are in need of attention based on the signals on your “dashboard”.
Name and confess your blocks: Once you identify your warning signals and have determined that these warning signals are pointing you to a particular domain of development, next you want to name the block that is hindering growth (trauma, inner child wounds, sin or discipline issue). Confession just means to admit there is an issue. This is not to bring shame.
Befriend the parts of you straying and/or struggling: Avoid condemning yourself, berating yourself or being too judgmental. It is through kindness and compassionate that you will heal through the blocks.
Ask God what adjustments you need to make: Once you have gone through the first 3 steps, you are ready to come up with a game plan. But don’t do this alone. Seek counsel. Ask God what is one small (or significant) act of obedience you can make to begin to grow yourself up a bit more. Your step forward should make sense for the warning signals and blocks you’ve identified.
Put the first 4 steps into a concise statement:
"I notice I am easily offended, procrastinate, avoid connection with others and turn in projects late at work. The domains of development in need of attention are spiritual, mental and relational due to a traumatic betrayal I went through as an adolescent. I confess I am not growing as I should because I have not resolved this trauma. Jesus show me how I can follow you more in my attitude when others offend me. Give me a strategy for completing tasks and give me one person you'd like me to connect with".Carry out the adjustments from your Spirit-led/Adult self: Now that you have a roadmap, you want to be sure that you draw on the resources of you Imago Dei and the Holy Spirit to execute. It is easy or tempting to shrink back to an immature state, become triggered and distracted or lose sight of the mission. Take some cycles of deep breaths, press your feet into the floor, straighten out your shoulders, shake your body, and carry out the action step from your Adult Self as led by the counsel and wisdom of Holy Spirit. When you successfully move through one target area, move on to the next target area.
Conclusion: Called to Wholeness
Self-development for the Christ-following woman isn’t about striving for perfection—it’s about surrendering to the process of sanctification. God desires to restore every part of us—spiritually, emotionally, physically, and relationally—so that we reflect His image more clearly and live with freedom and purpose.
Your healing matters. Your growth matters. And in every stage of the journey, God is with you—leading you from glory to glory. Be patient, be honest, and most of all, be anchored in Christ.
